I’ve been writing this post in my head for about 3 months now but I still don’t really know what I want to say. But to put it in black and white, Friday 27th November 2015 will be my last day as a Junior Designer at gpstudio – I’ve quit my job.
I’m sure there are many questions (as I’ve probably already asked myself all of them a million times), so let me try and explain why I’m taking control of my life. Maybe grab a cuppa because this is going to be a long one…
First of all, this has not been an easy decision in any way. For some people it might seem like I have just packed my job in to run away with the fairies, but sadly it’s not the case (fairies don’t exist guys)! You might have read my struggles after graduating, my exciting move to London and everything else that has followed in the past 2 years? Nowadays I’m being paid to be a Graphic Designer at a studio and I’m living in London – finally all of my dreams came true… er, not quite.
I don’t know if it’s come across via my blog/twitter but I haven’t been happy for about 6 months now. I’m a fan of cryptic tweets so some people might have cottoned on, but it’s taken me this long to think, plan and act. At the end of October I handed in my notice without another job to go to. WHAT WAS I THINKING? AM I CRAZY? HOW WILL I PAY MY RENT? And the list of alarm bells continues, I know. But I can promise you that whilst I’m writing this I am 90% excited and 10% scared.
I’ve been working as a Junior for 2 years now and I have learnt so much. I’ve developed both as a creative and a person – my confidence has really grown. I’ve also been a part of a studio family (dysfunctional, but still a family) – respecting, observing and learning from the elders. I know that I still have SO much to learn… but there comes a point where I have learnt all I can at this studio; I feel ‘comfortable’ and everyday is ‘meh’. ‘Comfortable’ is such a horrible word for me – it’s fine for some people, but it’s just not me. It’s not good enough! I don’t feel challenged. I don’t feel like I’m learning anymore (if anything I feel like I’m going backwards). I don’t feel inspired. I don’t feel excited to go to work anymore.
So, what are my options?
– I could do nothing and just stay ‘comfortable’ – I’m being paid quite well to do ‘easy’ work (By easy, I mean that I’ve been doing it everyday for 2 years now so it’s nothing new or challenging – my brain feels like it’s disintegrating!).
– I could start looking/applying for jobs and hang on until I can move.
– I could lose my creativity, happiness and sanity waiting to find a new job.
– OR I could take control of my life and quit. So, you already know which I chose.
Now, I understand that just quitting a job is not something that everyone is able to do but just to put your mind at ease, these are the reasons which make it possible for me to do this right now:
– I’m still (quite) young and able to easily change my path/direction/career
– I haven’t really got any ties/obligations in terms of children, mortgage, debt etc
– I have 2 years industry experience as a Designer under my belt (enough to tick the ‘must have 2-3 years experience’ box which basically every job asks for now)
– I have been very good with my money & have a good amount of savings to support myself
– I have a really supportive network that believe in me; boyfriend, housemates, (soon to be ex-) colleagues and friends
– I have grown some balls and now I believe in myself
I have been battling so many demons in my head; What will everyone think? How will I explain this to my Mum/ to my friends/ on the blog? Why am I such a Millennial cliche? What if it’s the wrong decision? What if I’m an idiot to quit a job which so many other graduates would kill for? Why can’t I just grin and bear it? What if I regret this when I’m older? What if…
What if I regret not doing this when I’m older? What if I can do something really exciting? What if I can change the world? What if I can get paid to do what I love? What if I don’t care what other people think is the right thing? What if I’m the only one that can do it?
Maybe I’ll be writing another post in 2 months saying that I miss my job? Maybe I’ll have a new job? Who knows? One thing I do know is that I won’t know unless I try it!
You might be thinking ‘why did you need to quit your job right now though?’. I spend a lot of my time balancing my work/life/blog routine. For me, to properly decide what I’m going to do with my life, I need to fully focus on me. I have been applying for jobs over the past 2 months, but the problem is that I’m applying with a portfolio that isn’t really ‘me’. Yes, it’s work that I have produced, but I’m not proud/excited to share it if I’m honest. Which makes it hard to promote myself, because right now I wouldn’t give myself a job if I saw my portfolio, so why should anyone else? This is why it had to be now. I’m effectively taking December ‘off’ to find myself (oh so cliche, but true)/my style, just be creative and work on a portfolio that I want to send out into the world. It’s just something that I have to do.
Since handing my notice in I have noticed a dramatic change in my mood; I am SO much happier. I should be scared, but I’m not really because I’ve told myself that I can do this and I know that I can make it happen (whatever ‘it’ might be). I did have a wobble and almost chickened out, but handing my notice in has been a positive change which opens new doors and shines light into a dark world.
There are so many horrible things happening around the world everyday that make this post seem so #firstworldproblems, I know, and that is exactly why I have to do this. LIFE IS TOO SHORT! I don’t want to look back in 50 years and regret not trying something new. I’d rather fail and learn than take the easy route of being ‘comfortable’/normal/traditional.
Which brings me to the next thing… so I’ve spoken about this before, how we’re supposed to go to University, Graduate, get a job as a Graphic Designer and live happily ever after. Well I think I’ve known all along, but I’ve only just realised – I’m just not that girl. I don’t think I fit in the traditional ‘Graphic Designer’ box because I have a lot of other skills; organisation, writing, photography, networking etc. Maybe I’m not supposed to sit at a desk 9-6 all day – maybe I can do a few different things using all of my skills? (I’m writing another post to discuss all of this because I have SO MUCH more to say on this!)
I want to do something amazing with my life, so I need to go out there and grab it with both hands.
1200 words later, I feel like I’ve only begun to explain, but I hope that has helped to clear a few things up. I have so many more posts to write from this story; things that I want to discuss and expand on. The next few months are going to be tough, I know, but I am SO ready for the challenge. Now I just need to know; are you ready to support me & follow my adventure…?
P.S. If you could send words of encouragement please and thank you <3